Confession

Confession

On Friday Mrs. Clinch allowed us to work with our groups. My group (Chapter 10) decided what we were going to be in charge of but... (This is the confession part) none of us read the book :( I was still trying to make sense of what had happened in chapter seven and why & how the previous chapters connected with each other, I did not have time to read 8, 9 and 10. I mean let's be honest; Grendel is probably ten times harder than Winesburg, Ohio due to the whole existentialism and the nihilist ideas. So, back to the point, before Mrs. Clinch came over to talk to us about the things she wanted us to focus and what the major elements were, I skimmed the book and realized that the Shaper dies, the woman (I assumed Wealtheow) feels sad, etc. So, when Mrs. Clinch did come and said, "You know I have always wondered who the woman in the Shaper's room is?", I immediately said, "Isn't it Wealtheow? Because of..." Now that I have actually read the chapter, I can't help but feel so embarrassed by the answer I gave her. 

The above paragraph marks the end of the confession, and I wish to write about what I thought about the mysterious woman, Wealtheow, Grendel's mother, and the old monster woman. I have marked in the novel the strangeness about how whenever Wealtheow appears, Grendel will talk about his mother (not in relation to Wealtheow). Therefore, I thought that this must be an intentional juxtaposition by John Gardner to contrast the markedly different nature of these two creatures. Wealtheow represents the beauty, compassion, truth, and harmony, while Grendel's mother is the epitome of gruesomeness, lies, disconnectedness, etc. So when I read about the mysterious woman in the Shaper's room, I immediately though of Wealtheow, then Grendel's mother appear as Grendel "slink back home" (145). Grendel's mother is now described as one that "no longer shows any sign of sanity" (145). There is so much contrast! It seems as if as Wealtheow grows in prominence and is accepted by the men, Grendel’s mother is deteriorating in her state of mentality and physical appearance. Like the Shaper and Wealtheow were the only figures in Grendel who symbolized knowledge, happiness, and joy, but when Shaper dies, Wealtheow inherits the position all to herself. She is left alone to be in charge of unifying the men and bringing harmony in the mead hall. Then what’s the whole deal with the “I am not the only monster on these moors. I met an old woman as wild as the wind” (149); I mean, why a woman in particular? Monster vs. woman….? Oh, and the layout of the passage where the quote comes from is different than the previous ones. WHY?!! And why does Grendel say, “I know there is nothing to expect” (149) even though the old monster is out there?

I just reread the passage and maybe the old woman is actually Wealtheow. On page 100, it says, “Her smooth long hair was as red as fire and soft as the ruddy sheen on dragon’s gold” (100). The fire is like the wildness of the old woman, and the dragon appears in here and with the old woman. This is an idea I will have to come back to.

Warning by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

When I search for a poem to write a blog about, I like to read the first line and if it sounds interesting, I read on. "Warning" written by Jenny Joseph caught my eye with its first line. I couldn't help but smile as I read the poem, and when I started imagining my own grand mother wearing purple and learning to spit, a little chuckle escaped out of me. The obvious meaning of the poem can be that people are so entrapped and bound by the ways of society and  restrict their thoughts and behaviors to society's ideologies; therefore, losing the ability to express themselves. By using the words "purple" and "red", Joseph is able to allow the speaker to create a bit obscene picture of an elderly grandmother doing things that are viewed as unacceptable in society. The light tone of the speaker keeps the humor going through the first few stanzas. However, the poem starts to become gloomier and more dense towards the last stanza. The humor disappears and becomes bogged down by the responsibilities of the present. The speaker has to set an example for the children and be an informed citizen who is socially accepted. 

A question that can be asked is, 'why wait until we are old, and when do we become old?' The second question just sparked some interesting thoughts within me. If the speaker decides to do all those eccentric things when she becomes older, when exactly will that be? Does it mean that old age is when no body cares for you because they themselves are so invested in whatever society imposes upon them? When you have no one to be with, it liberates you to become free from people's judgments, ideas, and expectations. However, isn't during the time of youth when you can find your identity and live as you wish? Isn't that what other writers are writing or have written about? For example, Winesburg, Ohio implies that youth is what everyone craves for because hope is associated with it. I guess the speaker of "Warning" has the opposite view of youth, which is that youth is a hindrance to freewill. 

Actually, I really agree with the author's view because as a teenager, I am so engrossed in what other people have to say about me. Basically, I don't have my OWN view or stance, not really. I mean I like to think that I do but in actuality, I don't because the ideas are of others, and I am just adapting it to my way. The clothes I wear, how girls have to act in front of others are things I never even questioned because it seemed so natural. However, when you actually think about it, aren't I being conformed? therefore, losing my identity? Perhaps I will be like the speaker of the poem and start wearing purple and eat whatever I want when I grow really old. Until then, I don't think I will have the courage to go against the society's ways. I mean who can really say that they aren't conformed? Can you?

“The Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock” vs. Winesburg, Ohio

            As I pervade deeper into these two works, keeping in mind the possibilities of similarities and parallelism, I am beginning to see the comparison. When we were discussing the poem in class discussions, I kept thinking, ‘I still don’t understand this poem or how it relates to the work by Sherwood Anderson.’ The frustration and lack of connection slowly unveiled when I started to prepare for the rough draft. As I reread and re-annotated “The Book of the Grotesque”, I had a moment of epiphany, which really made me happy.

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.

Translation:

"If I but thought that my response were made

to one perhaps returning to the world,

this tongue of flame would cease to flicker.

But since, up from these depths, no one has yet

returned alive, if what I hear is true,

I answer without fear of being shamed.

The beginning of the poem by T.S. Elliot and eight to the last paragraph on the first chapter of Winesburg, Ohio has irrefutable parallelism. On page two of my book, the narrator, speaker, experiences something almost spiritual, “For an hour the procession of grotesques passed before the eyes of the old man, and then, although it was a painful thing to do, he crept out of bed and began to write, Some one of the grotesques had made a deep impression on his mind and he wanted to describe it” (2). Although this quotation is lengthy, I believe it is necessary in order for me to explain what I saw. At 2 AM in the morning, you either tend to imagine things or have moments of realization. The latter happened to me.  The speaker of the poem says that no one will hear his story, which is why he is narrating it to the listener. I believe that this symbolizes Anderson’s message about truth. Just as if the writer were to publish his book, he would become grotesque; the speaker realizes that he will also become a grotesque if his story were to be known to the world. Also, the writer is awoken by ghosts of grotesques who, in a way, persuade him to get up and write about their stories. “Some one of the grotesques”, the one who makes an impression on the old man, can be seen as the narrator of the poem. The narrator had once been a grotesque but the release from Earth allows him to realize the futility of truth and cause him to lament about his experience. Therefore, in my view, Elliot decided to write a personal perspective of a grotesque character by using Alfred Prufrock to parallel one of the stories in Winesburg, Ohio.

However, I am not going to think about which story the poem best fits because I think the poem has many similarities with a handful of the stories in Winesburg, Ohio. The ghostly images, windows, hands, and feeling of frustration are all ubiquitous in both literary works. Just as the characters in Winesburg, Ohio wish to retrieve their youthfulness, Prufrock also desires to keep his youth, not fully realizing that he has already lost it. In the end, he has to wake himself from a dream state of mind in order to face his fears and ultimately, await his death.