Sharon Olds

The End

We decided to have the abortion, became
killers together. The period that came
changed nothing. They were dead, that young couple
who had been for life.
As we talked of it in bed, the crash
was not a surprise. We went to the window,
looked at the crushed cars and the gleaming
curved shears of glass as if we had
done it. Cops pulled the bodies out
Bloody as births from the small, smoking
aperture of the door, laid them
on the hill, covered them with blankets that soaked
through. Blood
began to pour
down my legs into my slippers. I stood
where I was until they shot the bound
form into the black hole
of the ambulance and stood the other one
up, a bandage covering its head,
stained where the eyes had been.
The next morning I had to kneel
an hour on that floor, to clean up my blood,
rubbing with wet cloths at those glittering
translucent spots, as one has to soak
a long time to deglaze the pan
when the feast is over. 

After reading "The Race" by Sharon Olds, I wanted to analyze a poem of hers. "The Race" was such an exciting and passionate poem that really left me in awe. This poem "The End" focuses on a couple who decides on an abortion. Instead of saying 'to get an abortion', the speaker chooses to say 'to have the abortion'. The 'have' that can be used to say to have a baby, is replaced with the act of killing an unborn baby. The next lines "The period that came changed nothing. They were dead, that young couple who had been for life" is confusing because the young couple seems to refer to the speaker and her significant other but there is a use of third person. Also, instead of the baby being dead, it is the couple who dies. This difference could point to the couple's termination of their relationship. The decision to abort the baby ends their own relationship as a couple. The crash, pointing to the auto accident, doesn't register to the speaker as a surprise. Maybe because the couple were discussing their decision to abort the baby, the tragedy of the car accident is not significant. However, the car accident is not just an ordinary accident. The major crash has the cops pulling the bodies out and the description is similar to a woman giving birth. The injured bodies comes out and are immediately covered with blankets. After witnessing the incident, the speaker has a miscarriage. One of the victim is dead while the other one is blinded with blood. Perhaps the shock from seeing the accident, even though the speaker says that the accident did not come as a surprise, triggered the miscarriage. Or the unborn baby decided to leave the mother who did not want it. The speaker cleans up her own blood without any help from her significant other. I do not fully understand the relationship she makes with cleaning the blood with the leftover pans from a party. Maybe the speaker had been joyful at the moment of her pregnancy but at the end of it all, she realizes the pain in cleaning the mess. 

It's interesting how the speaker sees the car accident that is like a graphic image of a miscarriage and has one of her own. Instead of becoming a killer by aborting the baby, the baby is miscarried. The question is, will the couple stay together because she did not go through the abortion? Or is the baby what connected the couple? 

Reading a few more of her poems, Sharon Olds has a distinct writing characteristic that usually involves an event that is fast paced and reads more like a story than a poem. I really enjoy her work and can't wait to read more.

Ernest

I actually watched The Importance of Being Ernest the past summer on a lazy 'let's watch amazon prime movies because they are free' day. So, when you said not to watch the movie, a guilty conscience pulled my mind. Even though I don't remember everything and the memory of the movie is very dim, I felt that the movie followed the play in sequence. Of course, with all the AP Literature knowledge in me, if I were to watch the movie again, I am sure I will be analyzing the faults of the movie. I really enjoyed reading The Importance of Being Ernest in class because the students really put in the effort to read their parts with an accent. Coming from third period, I know only a couple of people who would have tried their British accents. Second period's enthusiasm and friendly atmosphere makes reading plays a lot more entertaining and engaging.

The day we started learning about Oscar Wilde and about his witty way of saying many ironic yet truthful message, I went to tutor a sixth grader. When I was tutoring, I noticed their calender had a little quote below the month of April, "A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough" by Benjamin Franklin. When I read that, I was like Wilde! and then thought, 'oh, what AP Lit does to my life' :)

I really liked reading the play especially for its witty comments. Since I don't have a talent for writing, I always admire people with the ability to make profound statements. My favorite scene in the play is in Act 3 with Lady Brackwell sweating under Jack to try to get Algernon and Cecily to marry as quickly as possible. The total shift from 'Algernon should not marry a ward' to 'Algernon has to marry a heiress' is very funny. When Jack says, "How extremely kind of you, Lady Bracknell!  I have also in my possession, you will be pleased to hear, certificates of Miss Cardew’s birth, baptism, whooping cough, registration, vaccination, confirmation, and the measles; both the German and the English variety" and she replies, "Ah! A life crowded with incident, I see; though perhaps somewhat too exciting for a young girl.  I am not myself in favour of premature experiences" I mean the way she thinks the 'premature experiences' are too exciting for a little girl is very laughable. She does not think in terms of reality but only about the social status expectations. Anyways, the superficiality of Lady Brackwell's thoughts is revealed deeply when Jack mentions the fortune of Cecily. The comment on how people judge people's profile based on wealth, beauty, and education is still so prevalent in today's society. Society in Wilde's time is not very different from ours. I think the most amazing thing about literature is that the social commentaries are always relatable. The human race fails to grow and change. Even though the 21st century is so bent on trying to promote equality, society is only self centered and wishes to judge others to boost its own confidence.

Fight

It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. Since I have never blogged about my personal life, I would like to do it this one time. Since freshman year, I have never had the time to be involved too deeply in any high school drama because I was so intently focused in school and it’s unrelenting work. The countless Saturdays that were marked as ‘hangout days’ passed by me as I stayed home with a book in my hands. Social life? What? Friends were only existent in school and left my world as I entered my home. Of course, this is not to say that my high school years were terrible. I enjoyed working as hard as I did and even though sometimes I felt like I wasn’t being appreciated enough by my parents, I personally took the satisfaction in the effort I was able to put in. Even until the first semester of senior year, I worked as hard as I could and scraped each and every point in my classes in the midst of college applications. Now that it is less than a month away from graduation, I have let go of the string that I have held so tightly in the past. I am tired. I can’t push through anymore. It seems like no matter what I do, I cannot see the point in it. Not being accepted into the colleges that I knew I deserved (sorry if I sound arrogant) basically took all the drive and determination out of me. The feeling of being a failure is too hard to shake off. Not only that, in that loosening of the grip, I slacked off on my school work and decided to socialize. Because I was trying to do all the things I have missed out the past years in just a couple of months, I guess I shocked my parents. I met a boy. A boy who lost his mother in December. Even though he and I grew into a relationship based on the desire to be with each other just as any other high school students form a relationship, mine had to be different. I told my mom that I was dating a boy (first relationship in my life) in hopes that I could be open with her. Big mistake. I was clear that she was holding back her disapproval of me dating. My parents found out that I had sneaked off on Saturdays to see him and the truth came out. They thought he resorted to me because of the grief brought on by his mother’s death. Or that I found him appealing because his dad is a doctor and owns a hospital, so that I, whose dream is to become a pediatrician, could gain some guidance. I was personally disgusted. It was as if my past actions did not matter in anything. They even questioned my faith in Christianity. That night was full of thoughts of suicide and questioning the point of living. Living in America and knowing what I know about the things teenagers do, I am the ideal daughter. I have values that I personally hold dear which keeps me far away from the temptations of smoking, drinking, etc. Therefore, to me, my parents should overlook the lie of sneaking off and just tell me to tell them when I am going to see him. But they had to take it to a scale I hadn’t even imagined. It was as if I committed the most detestable crime, and I didn’t value myself. My true frustration is that no one will ever know what I have gone through and understand to sympathize with me. I hate putting on a mask to everyone to pretend that everything is fine because everything is not. And truthfully, school is the last thing from my mind. If my parents can’t even respect my decisions and try to understand my point of view, why am I living? Of course, I am not suicidal, and I have tried to get back on track with school work as best as I could, but there is still that buried frustration deep down inside of me.

Seminars

I never thought the seminar that we prepare could be so effective in enlightening what the meaning of the work is. Although we can never fully grasp the idea or ideas that Ellison wished to convey, I think we are making a good attempt at it.

Lucius Brockway is an interesting figure who is black, works underground, hated by the workers, and believes in his control over the factory. He is like the grandfather of the narrator who believes that even if he cannot be in front view of everyone in his control, he has the strong conviction that he is controlling everyone. Also, he is the one who came up with the concept of calling the paint Optic White. He gives the assumption or he tricks people into thinking that the paint is pure, white, and without defect. However, the "the liquid inside was dead black"; the drops that completes the white paint is a color that is condemned in society. Therefore, this is Lucius's way of rebelling against the control of the society that refuses to give him the power his desperately wants and has eluded his mind in believing in.  He tells the narrator of the story that in his mind confirmed his authority of the 'Old Man', "Shucks, a few days later the Old Man had me back down here in full control" (216). He doesn't seem to realize that the place he came down to is the underground, a place that no one wishes to go to. Just as with the analogy if Heaven and Hell, people wish to be above ground, in view of people, not cloaked in darkness where no one knows who you are. Therefore, it is only fitting that Lucius has descriptions of being a Satan figure, "...was small, wiry and very natty in his dirty overalls... I couldn't tell whether he felt guilty about something himself, or thought I had committed some crime" ). As the figure in charge of the underground pipe room, that indirectly controls the workings of upstairs, Lucius holds high pride in being that powerful figure. He makes the narrator call him Mister Brockway, leaving the narrator confused as to how an uneducated black man could be in charge of such a big role. The confusion is one of many experiences the narrator has in coming to realize the insignificance of education. The encounter with Lucius prompts his renewal in Harlem in the Brotherhood. The explosion in the underground signifies the rupturing of the 'yeses', possibility, which relates with the advice that the narrator's grandfather once told him about. The narrator also becomes like Lucius in the epilogue, as he describes himself as Dante and guides Mr. Norton to the Center Station.

Summary

Why is it that the books that we have read from the beginning of the year all center around the theme of  truth and enlightenment. Frankenstein, Winesburg, Ohio, Grendel, Age of Innocence, Hamlet, and Invisible Man all deal with the importance of truth. This commonality also elongates to how the truth is unobtainable even with the greatest desire. All the characters in these mentioned novels were never able to find the whole truth or satisfied. However, what is it about truths that make authors ponder on and on about how to obtain it but in the end the futility is always realized. But why don't or couldn't these authors write about the struggles of overcoming an obstacle in their lives or a rewarding experience? What makes the concept of truth so compelling that it causes so many authors to write about that? It seems clear to me after reading these books that one cannot obtain truth or find an absolute identity. Then why write about truth? It's just amazing to see the works of these authors in their distinct creativeness, narration, and points of emphasis. Even if the end of the book suggests the impossibility of finding the truth, the journey that is described is so intricate, meaningful, and beautiful and most importantly unique in every piece of literature we read together. I suppose the reason I am writing about its is because the school year is coming to an end, and I wished to reflect on the year. I wasn't able to receive a package from the colleges that I applied to that started out with the word 'congratulations', except UGA and GT. The past week has been rough because I couldn't stop thinking about why I worked so hard and so tirelessly if I couldn't even make it in to these top twenty colleges. The self doubt, frustration, and anger surmounted until I couldn't take it anymore. Then I thought about 'what's the point' and saw a Grendel in me that I never thought I possessed. Of course, people try to comfort me and say college doesn't determine everything and  that the colleges made a mistake of not choosing me, but in the end, the situation doesn't change. I didn't make it in and now I feel lost. The what ifs come in multitudes and consume my mind. Sorry for ranting... And now back to AP Lit, conclusion: It is amazing how different authors with unique ideas share the similarity of writing about truth..

A Poison Tree

I really believe in the concept that there is power in what we say out loud. This past Sunday, I was talking to my Sunday Bible study teacher, casually having coffee, and we came to the subject of faith and speaking. Because he is a grad student in Emory University, studying theology, he has to read many types of psychology books. Of the many psychologists, his favorite is Wolfgang Kohler. What Kohler and two other psychologists proved was the power of the words we speak and think. Therefore, when I can across "A Poison Tree" and skimmed the poem, I immediately thought of the psychologist and my teacher.

The poem subtlety implores the passionately anger the speaker has for his foe. Even though with his friend, he could tell his wrath to disappear, with the foe, he stubbornly refused to forgive and rather sought to grow the wrath. Taking the wrath as an animate object, the speaker waters it with the tears of fear, "sunned it with smiles,/ And with soft deceitful wiles". These lines, although seemingly weird, shows the perpetuation and cycle of stubbornness. The third stanza moves to show how the feeling of wrath takes seed and bears a fruit. The significance of the wrath becoming an apple is the Biblical illusion towards the garden of Eden, Satan, and temptation. The fruit of wrath never stops growing as "it grew both day and night". The speaker is aware that the apple will tempt his foe into consuming it. The apple, which has been poisoned thoroughly, serves as a murderous trap for his foe. The speaker's expressed anger for the enemy gives him the direction to take action, rather than smother himself in the passion of wrathful contempt. Beguiling his foe and letting his plan relay just as he wishes, the foe takes the apple in order to take something seemingly precious that belongs to the speaker away. However, into the trap the foe falls and he becomes consumed and overcome with the poison. The foe is the person who managed to give the poison to the speaker and because the speaker took action of the wrath, he is able to return the poison in the murderous plan. Because we know that Blake is the poet of Songs of Innocence and Experience, and this poem is full of dark images, the poem is of experience. The poem can be seen as a warning or relief. It is a warning against taking the desire for revenge consuming an individual's mind and action as to where the individual will take another's life away. The relief part is that the individual may find satisfaction from the murderous deed, just as the speaker does, "In the morning glad I see/ my foe stretched beneath the tree"



A Poison Tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine.
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

William Blake

I died for Beauty

I died for Beauty - but was scarce
I died for beauty, but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb,
When one who died for truth was lain
In an adjoining room.

He questioned softly why I failed?
"For beauty," I replied.
"And I for truth,--the two are one;
We brethren are," he said.

And so, as kinsmen met a night,
We talked between the rooms.
Until the moss had reached our lips,
And covered up our names.

Emily Dickinson                                                                         

The poem has a rhyme scheme of ABCB and has the dark dreary outlook of life, just like many of her poems. This poem begins with the speaker whose death was brought on by beauty. The line of "I died for beauty" implies a sacrificial role the speaker played in order to let beauty live. Though in death, the speaker does not hint any note of regret or despair of being in a tomb. Perhaps due to the lack of time, because it is before the speaker is"scarce/ Adjusted in the tomb", the speaker does not contribute fault to beauty. Another deceased body enters to the adjoining room next to the speaker, and for this corpse, it has died "for truth". However, it is not because of death that the other corpse makes a connection between him and the narrator. It is because of who they died for and sacrificed their lives for. Therefore, they hold beauty and truth as one entity that is beyond worth sacrificing their own life for. The brotherhood and kinship they share brings the beauty and truth to mean similar things, whether it is in value of figurative or literal esteem they hold these two concepts. Though they were able to be at each other's presence, the "kinsmen met a night" where "the moss had reached" their lips and "covered up" their names. The irony in these two last lines is that the two corpses conversed with each other despite of dying but it is the only living plant, a moss, that takes away their ability to speak and their identity. It is as if they were trying to defy the natural order of life by speaking to each other and nature balancing the oddity out through taking away their source of familiarity, connection, and comfort. The end, therefore, displays silence, loneliness, and desolation. Going back to the truth and beauty, could the poem be making a point about how life is not worth living for if one does not have beauty and truth? The truth is either beautiful or something that possesses beauty is the truth. Even if the truth and beauty went hand in hand, they cannot belong together because the human kind unavoidably fall into death. The characteristics of truth and beauty are in some ways physical because they reveal an inner light of a person, idea, or an element in life. Truth & beauty and death are linked through the death of humans. People are always searching for that enlightenment of fulfillment of beauty and truth, but even if one journeys through that road, death is going to be the result. Also, in the poem, the speaker who died for beauty was barely adjusted in the tomb before the person who died for truth came. Although I do not know the whole meaning of the time, but the close proximity allows the two to be seen as something that follows one another. This poem has been hard to analyze and the one memorable Emily Dickinson poem that I remember is the poem "Nobody", which I read in 8th grade.